I'm Shake Shacking In My Spaceboots (That's a Toy Story Reference)

Before I start, let me just stop….because I can’t even right now. Literally, I can’t. Alright, I am. Literally, I am right now. I eat therefore I am. Am I making any sense right now? Or am I saying I am or am not too much in the opening paragraph? I am. I know I am.

First off: SHAKE

Second off: SHACK

Third off: Rinse and repeat

Today was a great day. No, today was the greatest day. Shake Shack has officially landed in Las Vegas. Let me be the first to get on the hype train for any new and trendy restaurant that decided to land on the strip or best-case scenario, off of it. Ironically enough they just opened a restaurant called Off The Strip, while toting an address on the strip…but we’re not here to discuss that. We’re here to discuss Shake Shack and the Church of lat…actually, just Shake Shack.

My Buddy Dave and I have been hawking the opening of this place for months. Checking websites, blogs and instagram just waiting to get the green light. Last week it dropped on Eater Vegas. December 29th, 2014. It should be written on the third stone tablet never to the other 10 commandments because it was epic.

I scour Instagram and Twitter daily for pictures of food that will make my mouth water. That sounds so weird after reading that sentence, but its true. One day I started seeing these burgers more often then not and they were picturesque. No, they were beautiful. Little did I know it was Shake Shack. Since then I’ve gotten the point where I can positively ID and burger dropped on instagram or Twitter, no issues. And to be honest I’d had them all except for one. Psst that one was Shake shack.

I met up with my buddies Dave and Zobi, the ones id know would appreciate what was about to go down. We got in line, and after eying the wall menu were given hand menus in line. Everything was pretty straightforward, we made up our minds with little hesitation (we’re examined the menu online before we came) and it was on like Vietnam. I made up my mind since last week I was being fat, I went so far as to telling everyone the gym was closed so they had no choice but to join me…they didn’t. But this wasn’t about them; this was about me and a (Not A) Foodie bucket list. I ordered a Shack Burger, Shackmeister Dog, Cheese Fries and the soup of du jour (if you will) Salted Butter Carmel Milk Shake…..Wipe.Me.Down. I felt like a pimp. I ordered like Rick Ross pre Lap Band. I was ready to eat, no, I was born to eat this meal.

The burger was by far the best thing that came out that couldn’t be sucked through a straw. The bun was like a pillow of love. The Meat was cut from a mythical cow, it was perfect. I’ve never had a burger just get me the way this did (and I just wrote about a burger last week). Even the lettuce and Tomato were perfect; they looked like they were airbrushed in one of the chain burger restaurants that look nothing like they do in commercials as they do in person. The ones were the lettuce undulates perfectly around the edge of the bun and the Tomatoes have little moist droplets of mist strung around the outer skin shimmering in the studio lighting. If Shake Shack was to have a commercial, the burger would look exactly like it in person is what i'm trying to get at here. The hot dog was pretty good, far from the best though, and I’m ok with that. It came with cheese sauce and crispy fried shallots. Again, the bun though. Oh my god I need to find it in pillow form, it was that soft. Cheese fries speak for themselves so I wont waste your time on that which leads us to the final selection, the shake. Let me repeat this one again. Say it nice and slow (and kind of condescending); Salted. Butter. Carmel. Custard. What is should have said was lactos-gasm in or around my mouth. One of those things you just have to take their word for it and let them take your money. It was the perfect salty sweet with the dairy finish that only Uncle Jessie could exemplify by saying “Lord have Mercy.” I’ll finish as any scholar would, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger; “I’ll be back.”